Heart
by Junipertree
Summary: Zelgadis comes back to Seillune to return Amelia's bracelet - but his reaction to seeing Amelia again is not at all what she expected. Z/A
1. Heart Broken

Disclaimer: Not mine, not mine… so don't sue. Slayers was created by Hajime Kanzaka and Rui Araizumi, unfortunately, not me. 

A/N: Well, I shall warn you straight out that this first chapter will be very traumatic to Z/A fans. I AM WARNING YOU. But don't flame me for it without reading the next 2 chapters! BUT, it's all setting up to an eventual happy ending. I am a Z/A fanatic a heart and can't stand a sad ending. That said, I'll get on with it. 

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Heart Broken

"Princess Amelia, there is a man here to see you."

Amelia looked up at the servant at her shoulder. "Just a minute, Marlin, the council session is almost over."

"Shall I tell him you will be down in ten minutes?"

"Yes, that will be fine." She turned back to the rest of the council, and Marlin took that as a dismissal.

Amelia wrapped up the issue over the grain export and excused herself from the council table, wondering who this mysterious visitor could be.

__

Maybe, just maybe, it's… Amelia squelched her hope before it could grow any further. Every day for the past year she had hoped he would come back… it was useless to hope now._ He's too busy trying to find his cure… but if he finds it, I know he'll come back. I know it._

Amelia stopped at a mirror on the way down the hall to make sure her hair wasn't mussed, the continued on her way. _Who could it be, if it isn't… him? _Amelia had stopped using his name, it just made waiting for him even more difficult. _Could be just about anybody. If it were a visiting dignitary, he would want to see daddy, or request a formal appearance. Who would want to see me, personally?_

When Amelia opened the door to the receiving room, she thought her heart would stop. Standing by the wall was a man dressed head to toe in tan, a mask covering the lower half of his face. He was obviously a fighter, from the sword strapped at his belt and his balanced stance. His blue, wiry hair framed a face that was too polished to been skin. Amelia knew that it was rock.

"Zelgadis-san?" Amelia still couldn't believe it was him, after over a year. He nodded. She rushed over to him and threw her arms around his neck. "I missed you, Zelgadis-san, but I knew you would come back!" 

Zelgadis didn't say anything, or even hug her back, and Amelia looked up at him, confused. She was almost as tall as he was, now, the top of her head coming up to his nose. "Is there something wrong?"

Zelgadis pushed her away, roughly. "No. I just came to give this back." He reached into his pocket and brought out the bracelet she had given him over a year before. "See you." He turned and started to walk out the door.

"Wait, Zelgadis-san!" Amelia called after him. "Aren't you going to stay for a while?"

"No." He had only paused for a moment, and now continued walking. 

"Why not? I want to know what you've been doing." Zelgadis slowly turned around to see her hopeful eyes.

He turned on her, suddenly angry. "You want, you want. Well, you can't always get what you want." He started to turn back.

Amelia, hurt, looked at the floor. "Well, are you ever going to come back again?"

"I doubt it." Zelgadis was almost at the door now.

"Why not?" Amelia almost yelled, on the brink of tears. "Don't you care at all? I haven't seen you for a year, and you haven't three words to say to me!"

Zelgadis whipped around to face her for one last time. "You want three words? Here they are: Go away, Amelia. Get out of my life. You just don't know when to give up, do you? You're the most annoying little spoiled brat I've ever met, running after me like some kind of sick puppy. For one last time, Amelia, go away!" He went out the door in a rage, slamming it behind him.

Amelia couldn't believe what she just heard. It couldn't be true. It couldn't… could it? "I can't believe you, Zelgadis!" she couldn't even call him 'san' anymore. "I thought you could care, I thought you had a heart! Now I see that you're just a big rock, inside and out! You don't care at all!" she sobbed. "You don't even care that I love you!" Amelia choked those last three words out, collapsing to her knees as tears ran down her cheeks.


	2. Heart Alone

Sorry, this is short. Very short.

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Heart Alone

__

Fuck.

__

I can't believe I did that.

I can't believe I hurt her like that.

I am nothing.

I am a monster.

Zelgadis sat down on the side of the dirt road with his head in his hands, refusing to look at the passers-by on their way to the white magic capitol of Saillune. 

It had started out as a simple plan. Come back, give her the bracelet, leave. He needed to give it back. Every night for the past year he had sat by his campfire, or whichever inn's he happened to be at campfire, and just looked at the bracelet. Held it in his hands, and thought, _I could go back. I could just end this rat race and go see her…_ Every time, he'd clipped it back onto his canteen and gone to bed. Until one night, when his thoughts had traveled a line of thought that he hadn't ever encountered before.

__

How long had I been on the road, then? About a year. And all the time, then, Amelia had stayed in Saillune, waiting. Waiting for me to come back. A year of her life, she had waited. A year of her life she had wasted. Wasted on me. I'm not worth it. There's someone out there who can love her more than I can, and whoever that lucky son of a bitch is, he deserves her. 

__

She deserves better than me… I can't ask her to love this body. I can't ask her to wait for me forever while I roam all over looking for a cure – and I can't ask her to come with me either. 

She'll get over it, start a life with someone else. It's the best way.

It had all seemed so simple, at first. But upon seeing the reality, of seeing Amelia, Zelgadis had nearly backed out. When she'd rushed up to greet him, he'd wanted nothing more than to hug her back. It had taken self-control like iron to keep himself from moving. 

When she said she wanted him to stay… _I just got so angry. Couldn't she see it was for the best? Couldn't she see that I was doing her a favor? So I lost my temper and let it out on the person who deserved it least. I was a fool._

Zelgadis had run out the door, knowing that if he saw her crying he wouldn't be able to leave. The last words she'd said as he left echoed inside the hollow space in his chest. 

__

"You don't care at all! You don't even care that I love you!"


	3. Heart Mended

Plot hole here… Lina and Gourry never show up throughout the entire thing. *coughs* Well, let's just say they're in fanfic limbo, where all poor souls go to rest, only to be written into plotless fluff or shameless self-insertions. 

Oh, and ages go, I keep getting different numbers from different sources. Sorry, but I'm going off this: In first season Zel is 18, in Next he's 19, in Try he's 20. In first season Amelia is 14, in Next she's 15, in Try she's 16. Don't like it, eat it. 

FLUFF WARNING: this chapter gets severely soppy towards the end. You have been warned! 

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Heart Mended

Amelia hated him.

She hated him and every memory she had of him. She hated him for haunting her even when he wasn't there. Everything reminded her of him, everything had his face. Every random man on the street, every stupid rock on the road.

There had been a time when she had loved him, when she would have done anything for him. Now, if she saw him, she would scream and hit him, and maybe exile him. She wanted to make him miserable like he'd made her miserable. 

__

Damn you, Zelgadis.

She wouldn't give him the slightest bit of respect that calling him 'san' gave. 

After that one day when Zelgadis had returned her bracelet, everything had gone downhill. The crops had failed that year, giving Amelia endless work in organizing food rations and replanting. At first she had embraced the work as a respite to the vicious circle that her thoughts took her on.

But the work had taken it's toll on her, as it had taken it's toll on her father, Philionel. 

One year after Zelgadis had left, Amelia's father had died.

They said it was a feverish illness, some even suspected poisoning, but Amelia knew it was overwork. King Phil had put his heart into Saillune, and would keep his kingdom safe and healthy no matter what the cost. _Even if that cost would be his own life._

Her father's death had been the final blow. Before, when tragedy had occurred, Amelia and gotten over it, and fed the pain she felt into her drive to fight for Justice. But it was just too much. After crying, she stopped, and never cried again. To all outward appearances, she was back to normal, but those who knew her well would see the pain of the wounds that would never be mended behind her eyes. 

__

I will go on. I won't let this stop me from living my life, or being a good Queen, or even being happy sometimes.

But I will never love again.

~*~

__

I'm twenty-eight, today, Zelgadis thought as he sleepily struggled out of his sleeping bag. _Whoopee. Happy birthday to me. I feel so… old._

It felt as if the most important years of his life had been before he was twenty-one…_ The years I spent with Lina, and Gourry, and… Amelia._

Dammit, don't think about it. About her. She's gone to you now, you made sure of that. She's probably happy now with some prince or another… Zelgadis swallowed, hard. 

__

Eight years of my life I have spent, searching for a cure, alone. Ten if you count those two years before I met everybody… 

I was always trying to go off on my own, but even so… I always felt better with everyone else. I never wanted to admit it, but I was so god-damned lonely without them. Even if Lina was pushy, and Gourry was dumb as doornails and Amelia was… oh, god. Zelgadis stared down at the blankets on his lap, curling his hands into fists. _Why can't I stop thinking about her? It's been seven years. Seven fucking years, and all I can think about is her. Even now, when I don't even have a bracelet to remember her by…_ Zelgadis looked up.

__

Maybe that's why now I'm camped just outside of Saillune, debating whether or not to go in when the gates open at dawn. I can't let her know I'm there, of course, but maybe… I can just watch her for a minute. See her for real, get her out of my system. Forget her.

Zelgadis pulled some travel bread out of his pack and munched on it while he put away his belongings into a surprisingly small backpack. Shouldering the bag, Zel began to walk down the road just as the first rays of dawn hit the gray skies. 

He entered the city just as everyone was waking – shops weren't open yet, everyone was still eating their breakfast. He meandered his way to the center of town, and by the time he got to the palace, people were up and cheerful, shops were open and busy. He stared up at the bright, whitewashed walls, wondering again what had possessed him to come here. He circled the walls for a while, looking up at the grand palace of Saillune. 

After Zel had been walking for a few minutes, he came to a spot where he could just see the tops of trees poking over the vast palace wall. _This must be the gardens. Hmm… they won't mind if I come in here._ Checking to see that no one was looking, Zelgadis ray winged over the wall to land by a willow near the center of the garden. 

"Very pretty." He remarked to no one in particular. 

Zelgadis' ears twitched as his sensitive hearing picked up footsteps approaching on the ornately cobbled walkway. He dashed behind some bushes near the wall, telling himself that he was stupid to have come into a place like this for no reason at all. 

"The hedge needs trimming." A strangely familiar voice remarked. "I shall have to have that seen to."

Zelgadis peeked through a gap in the bush to see who was speaking. His eyes widened and he barely managed to smother a gasp as he recognized who it was. _Amelia?_

She was changed, now, different. Taller, in height and in the way she held herself. More mature – _in more ways than one, _a wicked voice at the back of Zel's head remarked. She still had that aura of cheer that she'd always had, but now… _she's different. She's no longer so carefree, so naïve. I did that to her. _Guilt that had been piling up for the past seven years weighed heavily on his shoulders. _God, Amelia, I'm sorry._

Queen Amelia looked at the garden around her and sat down on one of the benches, looking at the fountain, like she did every morning. It always relaxed her.

Zelgadis was so enraptured by watching Amelia that he didn't notice his leg cramping up until it was too late. Wincing, he tried to shift position without disturbing the shrubbery around him.

Amelia snapped out of her reverie at the sound of bushes rustling. "Who's there?" She got to her feet, listening for even the slightest sound.

Zelgadis held his breath, trying to ignore the pain in his leg. A sharp intake of breath betrayed him as another shot of pain went up his leg. 

That was all that Amelia needed. "FIREBALL!" A ball of pure flame shot out of Amelia's outstretched hands to burn through the bushes in front of him and hit him square in the stomach.

Too shocked to move, Zelgadis waited until the smoke cleared before he saw Amelia's shocked and angry face. 

"You –" fury twisted on her face. "You dare to sneak in here, villain! Burst rondo!" 

Zelgadis threw his hands up to protect his eyes and struggled to be heard over the noise. "Amelia! It's me, Zelgadis!"

Amelia stamped her foot and pointed at Zelgadis. "Don't you dare talk to me, you who toyed with my heart and RUINED MY LIFE!!" (Mel's been taking some pointers from Martina…) Amelia shot another fireball at him, and, without even waiting for the smoke to clear, stomped over to Zelgadis, hauled him to his feet (no mean feat) and commenced punching him. "I hate you! I hate you! I never want to see you again!"

Zelgadis winced as her fists thudded his chest, but made no move to defend himself – the punches were probably hurting her more than they were hurting him. "Stop it, Amelia, you're just hurting yourself."

Amelia, to his surprise, stopped, sucking on her bloodied knuckles. Then she did the thing he had least expected. She began to cry.

At first he didn't really know what to do. She was just standing there, sobbing. He supposed he should put his arm around her or something, and he tried that, but she just threw him off. After awkwardly standing there for a minute, he tried again, and this time she didn't resist. 

"I hate you." She sobbed. "You treated me like shit. I hate you."

Zelgadis finally got to say what he'd been aching to say for the past seven years. "God, I'm sorry, Amelia. I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" he went on, not even caring if she was listening anymore. "I thought it was just a stupid crush, you'd get over it, I thought if I never saw you again you could find someone else, someone who deserves you…"

Amelia was still crying. "I loved you more than anything. I wanted to be with you forever. How can you say that? All I wanted was for you to say…" she sniffed, "that you cared about me…"

Zelgadis rocked her back and forth, laying his cheek next to hers. "Of course I care about you, Amelia… I would give anything for you. I love you…"

Amelia's breath caught in her chest.

"…but I can never ask you to love me back." Zelgadis let go of her and looked at the grass at his feet.

"I've hated you for seven years, but I've loved you for ten." Amelia said, voice shaky. "You don't need to ask me."

Slowly Zelgadis looked up at her face. "How can you love a monster like me?"

"You're not a monster." Amelia said fervently. "You're kind, and talented, and handsome…"

"Not handsome."

"Yes you are. To me."

Zelgadis gazed into her eyes, now level with his own. Just seeing her like this, close to him, his heartbeat quickened. He could see her eyes, see what she wanted. He slowly licked his lips and brought his mouth to hers. 

He licked the salt of her tears from her lips, then his tongue sought further. Zelgadis could feel her hands inch around his back and bring him closer as he brought his own behind her head to thread themselves into her hair. For a few precious moments, all he could think of was Amelia, her scent, her feel, her taste. He wanted her more than anything, wanted to be like this, with her, forever. 

Heat flooded Amelia's body until she thought she was on fire. Her knees gave way underneath her, and only her grip on Zelgadis' waist kept her standing. This is what she had dreamed of, behind all the hatred and the obsession of the past seven years, all she had wanted was to be with him.

"I love you. I love you. I love you…" she murmured between his kisses.

Reluctantly, he broke off from her, and just stared deep into her eyes, feeling as if he could drown in them and die happily. "I love you, Amelia."

____________________________________________________________________________________ 

Some music buffs here might recognize the similarities between the death of Prince Philionel and the death of WA Mozart… Why? I just couldn't think of a way for Phil to die, and music history is rubbing off on me. Seriously, I could tell you how many times a day Bach took a shit or where Chopin went to get drunk on Saturday nights without batting an eye. It's horrible.

It would have been soooo easy to turn that into a lemon. I was very, very tempted. Review, please, even though that was UNBELIEVABLY sappy. *swoons* Oh, and PS… that's the end.


End file.
